It's a conversation most of us put off
Most of us have never sat down with our family and talked about our funeral. Not because we don't care. It just feels like one of those conversations we'll have eventually.
And then, when someone dies, eventually has arrived.
Suddenly the people closest to you are making decisions on your behalf. Burial or cremation? Religious service or not? What music would you have chosen? Who should speak? Is there anything you definitely wouldn't have wanted?
They can make good guesses. But they're still guesses.
A few simple answers, in your own words, can make things a little easier.
You don't have to plan everything
You don't need to design a whole funeral. You don't need an answer for every possible question. You can simply tell the people who love you what matters to you — and what doesn't.
And if your answer to something is “I don't mind”, that's fine too.
Start with the things you'd want your family to know
There are a few things that are particularly useful to have written down:
- What you'd prefer - burial, cremation or another option.
- Anything you've already arranged - such as a funeral plan or policy, and where the paperwork can be found.
- The kind of service you'd like - religious, non-religious, or something completely personal.
- The personal touches - music, readings, poems, people you'd like involved, or anything else that would make it feel like you.
- Anything you definitely don't want - sometimes this is just as helpful as knowing what you do want.
Five questions to get you started
- Do you have a preference for burial, cremation, or another option?
- Is there a funeral plan or policy in place, and where should arrangements be handled?
- Would you like a religious, non-religious, or personalised ceremony?
- Are there songs, readings, poems, or music you would like included?
- Is there anything you would not want included in your funeral or memorial?
These questions come from the Funeral & Memorial Wishes chapter of the Afterwords book "Health and funeral plans. Your life and wishes".
Keep it somewhere your family can actually find it
Your will is important, but it isn't designed to be a place for all the personal things you want your family to know. And it may not be the first thing they look at when they're arranging a funeral.
Wherever you keep your wishes, two things matter: the right people need to be able to find them when they need them, and you need to be able to change them when your thinking changes.
That's the problem Afterwords is built around. You can answer guided questions in your own words — typed or spoken — and choose who can see your answers and when.
Start with one question
You don't have to sit down and finish everything in one go. Pick one question. Answer it honestly. If you don't know, say so. Come back to it another day if you want.
What matters is that the conversation has started — and that the people you love don't have to guess at everything later.